It's just my humble opinion, but it's one that I believe in.

Lately I have been feeling sort of sad. I don't know if that is the right word. To explain it better, I have noticed that others have been trying to tell me (and other people) why are opinions are completely wrong. How can't help feeling sorry for these people. Really, how sad must they be to have to tear others down and make us feel inadequate? My only wish for these people is that they find whatever it is that they are looking for in life and find true happiness. On another note... we are moving in three weeks. We are moving to Tarpon Springs. I am quite excited about this as we will be able to have others over for dinner or movie night. We will have enough room for everything that we own and then some. The only thing is we will be leaving the Seminole ward. I will truly miss my primary class and my friends there. But again.... We have space for a table so we can have people over for dinner. :D That is all for now :) I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

I have a smile Stretched from ear to ear

So it has been so long since I updated. I am going to summarize everything. I went to see Jen and Matt in September and I had so much fun! I love Utah and it was so nice to spend some personal time with them even though I DID miss Brian like crazy. I got a job. I work at GFI software. It is a really good job. Some people there can be real Jerks or can just be annoying but for the pay and how wonderful the job actually is it seems worth it. We attended Lore and Katies birthday party yesterday. They are growing up so fast! Also, we are moving to Tarpon Springs around the end of December. Into a really nice place called Riverside. We know some people (Rebecca and Derek) who love it there and we can now see why. And that is about it. :D I could get into details but it would take WAY to much time to put it all down :D

The worlds on fire and it's more than I can handle

This past month so much has happened. I wanted to keep it all to myself and not bother anyone with my worries. But the past couple of days i have been on the edge of tears. Literally. I finally broke down last night and I realized something. I am human. And it's okay for a human to cry. It doesn't make me weak if something happens in my life that makes me upset or sad. Sometimes things happen in our lives that we cant deal with on our own. And that is why we have our family in friends. Heavenly Father did not intend for us to go through this life alone. So why should we try to deal with our trials and worries on our own? Loved ones are there for us to lean on and Vice versa. Friendship is not something to take for granted though. Yes friends normally are more than willing to help see you through an obstacle in life but we shouldn't use our friends just for a shoulder. We should not only offer ours as well, but we must also remember that our friends and loved ones want to hear also the good things in our lives. One day not too long ago I was online talking to a good friend that I have known since I was 12, and I told her some somewhat good news and she was so excited that even though I was having a hard time at that particular moment, I was able to smile and I felt so good to be able to confide in someone. I am so blessed to have such good friends in my life. My friends are such an inspiration and good influence on my life :)

I try to bring more More than I can handle (Bring it to the table) Bring what I am able

so lately I have been feeling like I am not doing my share in our household. I am a house wife. I clean and exercise and cook. So why do I feel like I am not doing enough just because I dont have a job? I will tell you why. Because every morning I wake up to the most beautifully handsome man ever. When I look at him I wonder how I was so lucky as to win his heart. Sure he is a bit dorky and a bit of a nerd. But I love him and he is so perfectly imperfect. Our marriage is the type where we can be silly together. I was jumping on the bed the other night and he just laughed. Not at me but because he could see how much fun I was having. We can play games together and we can have serious conversations. Our marriage is built on trust, love, and friendship. How much better can it get. Sometimes I just like to stare at him (until he realizes it and pretends he is psychic). He amazes me in every possible way. I can not wait to have kids with him. I know he is going to be a great father and I know that our family will not be perfect. No family is. But I know that he will help me in any possible way and he will always be there. He brings me flowers when Im sick or upset. He helps me keep the house clean. He makes me so happy. A lot of times I dont think he realizes just how lucky I feel or how happy he makes me. We have had our ups and downs... but what couple hasnt? What is important is that we can get through anything together. :) He is what keeps me sane. And he is someone I can go crazy with. I am so glad that we meet five years ago at EFY. I only hope that every girl could be as lucky as I am :)

All right all right slow down

So it looks as if we are going to be in florida another year. No big deal :) we WILL make it to Utah :) I guess there is just still some things we have to do here first :) Ok so I will be applying for jobs tomorrow. Hopefully I will find one soon :) but my question is to you... how do you talk to someone about an answer to your prayers? Better yet how do you act on this when there is another person involved? hmm not sure. I cant sleep. I have a lot on my mind. A lot has happened. Im sorry I have been updating regularly. I just dont have a really exciting life or a bunch of cute pictures to post :) But I do have a talk on sunday :) Im a little excited an a lot nervous! :) Brian and I are doing great :) I went to the temple last thursday with Rebecca :) that was lots of fun. I enjoyed spending some time with her. We have a new family member. His name is Jasper and he is a hamster. :) He likes me. Brian is scared of hurting him so i am the one who bathes him and holds him :) other than that there is nothing new :)

life is short and the nights are long

So i have been having bad dreams lately. Not EVERY night... but most nights. At first i really wanted to try to get rid of them... and it worked for about two weeks. Then they came back. When they did I realized something.... I live a fairytale life. I married my best friend, the prince of my life. I don't NEED good dreams that make me wish i could go back to sleep. I now appreciate my time awake :) I appreciate my life and everything in it :) Sure i wish a few things were different. Of course life is hard. But my life is no nightmare :) It is a dream come true :)

'Cause the spaces between my fingers Are right where yours fit perfectly

Yesterday i turned 23! I am so excited that most of my family remembered! :) The only people i didnt hear from were my parents :( but its ok :) Brian took me to Cracker Barrel and our friend jason joined us there! Then we came home and had ice cream cake :) it was a really good birthday :) Oh and I shouldnt forget that my brother Josh came over and made me a monkey :D Brian got an email from Hill saying that they are processing his resumee :D so hopefully that is a good sign :D I cant wait to be out of florida and say hello to seasons :)

ill be out of my mind and you'll be out of ideas pretty soon

Im sorry it took so long to update! I have been busy with doctor appointments. So update... i got my wisdom teeth out on friday :) i am mostly healed. Except for the stitch in my bottom left gum the is halfway dissolved and poking me in the cheek! But a few more days and i will be able to at solids again! I have been living off of tomato soup and smoothies :) i had some eggs and applesauce today. Its not a huge step but still its progress :) I am happy to report that i have lost three pounds. One of which since friday so that one ill probably gain back sadly :( Brian has been great! He took on the housework and has been doing good with it. :) I guess thats pretty much it! :)

if its not real you cant hold in your hands you cant feel it in your heart

so im just a little irked. I am kinda excited though. Im at the point that i dont care if i have friends in this county. Brian and i are doing great just in case any one wants to know. :) Im missing jen and cant wait to get to utah! Im so excited to be around family :) Brian and i went to the temple saturday and we are going again on the 22 :) I am loving my life with Brian :) So i guess i can say that its not that i dont care if I have friends here or not.... I dont care what they think of me cause I am exactly who I want to be and exactly what my husband loves. I guess im just saying that Im sick of people being fake. If its not real then dont bother. Im sorry Im all over the place today :) Just so much on my mind :)

keep your feet on the ground when your heads in the clouds

so just an update... We are still alive! :) lol We have been busy sort of lol. we went to old town this past weekend with josh and my parents. that was fun! Brian and I have a date on friday night! Im so excited! then saturday we are going to Busch Gardens! We decided just to have an US weekend since josh is gone and Echo and chirs dont need a sitter and we arent out of town :) im so excited :D I made my wonderful husband chocolate covered strawberries today. I think next time i will make choclate covered cherries! :D

seasons change but people dont!

So im back from utah! And i have some new pictures for you! I had so much fun in the snow and mountains and i cant wait to go back to see jen and mat and their girls! And it was really good to see Alli again! so here are the pictures!!!! They tell the story better than i can!

im leavin on a jet plane

So one of my best friends EVER is getting married friday. in salt lake utah! Im so excited! And brian and i are heading out there EARLY friday morning! Im extremley happy and cant wait to see her. I also get to meet matt and My nieces Emma and rachel!. I cant WAIT to see Jen again! No offense guys but i really hope it snows while we are there! I want to see it so badly! But brian and i will be back late sunday afternoon. We will miss most of confrence. and then next week we will have a late easter with my family! :D ill make sure to put up pictures!

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

So brian and i have been sick more often than not lately. But i have got to tell you... being married is so not what i expected. Its so much better. Once you get past the awkwardness of living with someone of the opposite sex its so so so much better. But i do have to say... I miss my friends and my family. But mostly i miss my mother. Its so hard to know that the only form of real communication i have with her is a cell phone. I really cant wait to see her next weekend! I miss her like crazy. I really miss just talking to her about everything even things I KNOW we wont agree on. But some good news? Brian likes my cooking! Whats funny is i mostly just follow recipes and add a few of my own things and ingredients. His brother, Josh also likes my cooking and as far as i know so does Joshs' girlfriend, Renee. I cant wait to go to Utah in a few weeks. I will get to see Alli if only for a second! I really miss her as well. I think i am going crazy... or im just way emotional... which is really odd. Oh well. Im sure once i see everyone I will feel better!

Two am and im still awake writing a song

Ok so this may shock some people but im actually going to be scheduling two or three doctors appointments very soon. One of them i will not talk about. the other two have to deal with my wisdom teeth. No lie... I CAN NOT sleep because my teeth are shifting again and causing me A LOT of pain. My gums are swollen and actually started bleeding about an hour ago when the pain woke me up. We want to shoot for May to get them taken out so HOPEFULLY the pain will go away soon so i dont have to live off of liquids..... AGAIN! UGH! The last time my wisdom teeth decided to shift.... I couldnt eat solid foods for three weeks. and then after that for another two I had to eat soft solids like pasta and bananas. im at the point of crying right now. Im tired and I cant get rid of the throbbing! Before dinner i took some excedrin and it helped and i was able to eat speghetti and cookie pie and popcorn (no comments on how HEALTHY that is) but then it wore off and so I took another one a little over an hour ago now and i think it made it worse so now im sucking on ice! and to be quite honest.... its not helping. Does anyone have any advice on how to even dull the pain if not get rid of it completely? Im thinking oragel. Not sure But I might hop on Joshs' bike later today when i finish cleaning and seeing if i can find some at like a convenient store or something. Or i might call Echo and see if she has any from when the girls were teething. OK so moving on from the pain in my mouth that is making me feel like hell has moved in.... I am absolutely loving being married. This past week Brian and I were sick (yes it was monday till basically Wednesday and yes i know that it was just a few days after we got married that we got sick) Monday we both woke up kinda achy and stuffy (me a little worse than Brian). So when we went Grocery shopping we picked up some tylenol. Only they were out of the blue kind which btw is really good and tastes good, so we got the orange one. Well the blue one is for night time and actually knocks you out for up to 12 hours and it knocks out your cold for the most part. When i use that one i only ever have to use it for a max of 2 days. So when I saw that they didnt have the blue one we got the orange thinking it would do the same thing. Well when we got home and took it i realized it was non drowsy. so I had trouble going to sleep until it decided to kick in and relieve a bit of the sickness. Well I had to take it for like four days! Brian being the lucky ducky that he is only had to take it for two! And on top of that it tasted DISGUSTING!!!!!! Like seriously YUCKY!!!!! Well anyways we both used honey to calm our sore throats and (I think it was monday but it could have been tuesday) I said something to Brian about wanting some ginger ale cause i know it really helps sooth a sore throat. So he went to get some while I made mac and cheese with hot dogs (and yes that is the first meal i cooked him but we were sick and newly married and really didnt want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen). But wait ti gets better. Not only did my new husband run to the dollar store to get a bottle of ginger ale, while he was gone something happened (which I will not tell you at this point in time cause i dont want to explain why it happened and considering the fact that most of you live in utah and would smack the life out of me if you knew and we will be visiting Utah very shortly I think my life depends on me not telling you) This something that happened seriously made me incapable of finishing dinner so when my husband got back not only did he hold me and let me ball my eyes out for feeling incompetent and not good enough he finished dinner and then proceded to help me clean the kitchen as well. And I know most of you are thinking "but it was only mac and cheese and hot dogs! Whats so hard about that?" but my point is that I have never had anyone of the male species (other than family) care for me and love me that much and that in my opinion means the world. Brians love is unconditional. And that is whats going to keep me going. AND that is gonna be what keeps me wanting to care for him and do things for him. Its the small gestures and things and the gentlest words said that mean the most. Anyone who knows me knows that I like to keep things as simple as possible. And it saying 'i love you' doesnt get much simplier than this. It meant so much to me that he didnt make fun of me for crying on his shoulder and then taking over and telling me over and over that i was the best wife and how lucky he felt to have me and that he would always be here to take care of me and to help me and that i would never have to worry if i was good enough. Just remembering how it felt to here him say that and how loved i knew i must be makes me want to cry all over again. In about three hours and some minutes i will be making him the best darn chocolate chip pancakes ever to start his day with. I love being his wife and I feel like the lucky one in this marriage cause we all know i dont deserve someone as good as brian but for some reason that i do not and probably will NEVER know.... he choose me. so to kind of wind things down im going to end with saying i got my hair cut. Yes i finally did it. Well actually Echo did. About five inches.... gone. and hopefully when i go out to utah i can talk kim into cutting about two more inches off of it and putting in layers. If not then ill just have to ask amber if she can come to the beach and her and matt and she cut it for me. But when its COMPLETELY done I will post some pictures. Oh and i will have wedding pictures soon... I promise! Sorry about the length. Stupid mouth, Bu at least I got to tell everyone what has been going on this past week.

dot dot dot

so I am now married. I am still gettig used to saying that. I finally meet my sister in law Jen and Mat you will be lucky if you get her back! Just kidding. I love Jen. We are currently still unpacking stuff and washing EVERYTHING! We only have one more load of dishes to wash and then we still have a lot to put away! We will post wedding pictures soon i promise!

less than twelve hours

Im getting married tomorrow! OMH! I still cant believe it. Im praying that it wont be SUPER cold tomorrow! I am so excited! I had the best time tonight with ella amber and courtney! It wa my bacelorette party! We went to the nail salon and to see Alice in Wonderland and then went to chilis where we saw bobby! My last night in lake wales! AAAAAAAAAA lol! Ok going to bed NOW! Maybe ill be able to sleep. ....... Maybe

up down and all around

Oh my heck! I am getting married in a week and four days! well less then thatr but still! OMH! I so dont feel old enough to be getting married! but its all so new to me. I have no idea how to actr in this situation. I am constantly on the edge of tears! Always wanting to cry cause i dont want to leave home. Sometimes they all start coming down then i cant stop them. Other times im able to maintain myself knowing that im headed towards something better. But always always i want to hold my just want to hold my family and friends here in lake wales and tell them how much i love them. My emotions hate me right now :)

three weeks two days

ummm can you say nervous! No more like my nerves are so shot im making myself sick! :) Im going for one more fitting tomorrow! Then i get to bring my dress home :) Im nearly done packing and My mom is flipping out. The invites have been sent out. So be on the lookout for those.I am so scatter brained right now! :) I still have so much to do! :)

the days are too long yet too short

Ugh i am so tired! But! Only four weeks and three days left. The days seem to drag on until they are over. Then they seem to go to fast! ugh. But we are sending out the invitations on saturday and i am finishing my packing this week. Another upside? I spent good quality time with Amber yesterday and monday. We had so much fun! We watched movies and ate junk food and slept till eleven! one more plus. I get to see brian saturday!

crazy lazy hazy days of.... well janurary

so i havent been on in a few days. Oh well im sure my computer like the break. So Wednesday i cleaned all day and then went to see my mommas horse and the others at the barn she helps take care of. While there bear, our dog, decided to go adventuring. now keep in mind he never ever ever goes too far. well that day he decided ti go VERY far! lol so anyways when we were getting ready to leave we called for him for about ten minutes until we started to panic. then my mom took her truck and starting driving down the dirt road looking for him a little over five minutes later he comes running up to me. I was so relieved that i couldnt be mad at him. Bear is a member of our family and i would be lost if anything ever happened to him! Well anyways, then we went to my moms friends house and she had the cutest chihuahua puppies! AND brian agreed we could have one.... but our lease says no pets. there was one cream colored little girl that loved me! She crawled over to me and growled at any of the other dogs/puppies if they tried to get my attention. She whimpered when i put her down and tried to follow me out the door. I wanted to cry!!! Then yesterday my mom hosted a jewelry party! And guess what! I think i found my profession! Well until i get out of school anyway! lol Really! Its just too perfect! I can be part time or full time. And for everything i sell i get half of it. I can do it at my convenience and i NEVER have to ask for vacation time. Plus its something i could take with me when i visit any of my friends or family if they wanted to host a party while i was there! And today will be an even better day!!!!

im six feet from the edge and im thinking maybe six feet aint so far down

ok. So basically this whole wedding thing is getting harder. Anyone else go through this? Anyone? I mean im not stressing over it but it gets harder and harder not to get into fights with the people i love the most. I mean I have one saying they dont care, one trying to take over the whole thing, one making decisions for me, one telling me i need to try harder, and so on. Ugh! i cant wait for it all to just be over. I find myself thinking sometimes that its just not worth all of this crap. I mean I know it is. I just cant help to think what it might be like if i wasnt lds and could just run off and elope. i did some serious praying last night. I even posted one of my shorter prayers on facebook. I am THAT desperate for help to get through this! Its almost like i cant function properly. Then I have people continuously lying to me about EVERYTHING and that just makes it even harder. lol fiveish weeks. fiveish weeks and this will all be over! Its all unreal stil. like some days I wake up and im thinking that it will never happen that he will change his mind. Am I seriously the only girl who feels this way? lol I mean I am soooooo happy but i think everyone around me has gone insane!

I am such a sucker and im always the last to know

Ugh! I feel heartbroken and i dont know why. but my heart hurts. Is this a normal girl thing or am i crazy? What really hurts is that a friend of mine doesnt want to talk to me. Or I should say our relationship is way different than what it was a few years ago and its killing me. But thats a different pang. The scary thing is that because i have these two emotions going through me im not angry but edgy. And I want to cry. I really feel so down. And because i dont want people to take it the wrong way and because i dont know what one of these emotions are about Im scared to try to talk to anyone. Not only that but I dont want to burden anyone with my stupid emotions. I wish I could be the type of person who says 'screw it. Who cares if this person wont talk to me?' but even if I was i dont know why my heart feels broken. I need some serious prayer time. On top of that I now can not get my mouth to stop bleeding. And my mom says not to get my wisdom teeth out till after the wedding. Wow im gonna be a skinny bride. Im so at breaking point and I cant even show it because it will only stress out someone who will NOT be named way more! On a happier note my friend amber and her sister courtney helped me address invites today! So this will be going out soon! :) that makes me happy :)

Sat outside my front window. This story's going somewhere

So today i was at church right and bishop looks dead at me and mouths 'are you ok?' and I nodded. Then when the sacrament was being past I seriously hurt my mouth trying to eat BREAD! Grr! I am going to eat something solid tomorrow if it kills me! lol Anyways so I was waiting outside his office when brother blackwelder came up and I told him i needed a blessing. So after church him Brother Holladay and Bishop gave me a blessing. The funny thing? How did bishop know something was wrong with me? I did my absolute best to hide that i was in pain and it worked on everyone else but him! The only reason i even asked for a blessing is because i couldnt chew the flipping bread! How on earth does he have that intuition? All i can really say is that unless i just deal with the fatal pains of chewing I will be super skinny come march! Oh well! I wanted to loose tenish more pounds anyways. Just didnt think it would be like this :) But all in all I love my bishopric! I will truly miss them! :) They always know just when I need a smile or a hug. It makes me feel good to know that they are always there and that they do indeed love me and will truly miss me too :)

Create your own visitor map!

my sister and i

I am happy to say that i can now speak about my sisters birthday! Her mom called me Wednesday and said they were throwing her a surprise party and I was part of the surprise! So i had to be hush about it :) I was afraid of what might happen but let me tell you! when she walked into the room and saw me? It was pure joy between the two of us! I ended up staying there for the night and we were up past 2 am crying and talking. I dont think I have ever felt the spirit that much in my entire life. Everything was out on the table. All fears annoyances and Cherished memories. My sister and I are unbreakable. We might have our fights but NOTHING will ever keep us mad at each other for too long. I cant believe the feeling I got when all of our walls came crashing down and the strong people we were trying to be disappeared. We really needed that night with each other and I feel like our sisterly bound is even stronger now because of it. I doubt we have had our last argument (?) but we know for a fact that noone will ever be able to tear us apart. As sad as some of the things were that we talked about... It felt so good and made me so happy to be able to trade these things with each other. Ella and I have been through too much to let anything ruin the bound that we have. And I am really gonna miss her :( But one day she and I will be done with school and move to our desired states with our other halves and we will be a few hours drive from each other and nothing will stand in our way of achieving our dreams :) No matter what else happens... My life will be perfect because I know that not only will I have my husband and my best friend.... But i will also have my sister no matter what life throws at us! We are strong independent daughters of God and we can do anything!

hello thursday

Its Thursday! I actually slept for seven hours last night! So im feeling pretty good. Today is my sisters birthday! She is turning eighteen today! I cant believe that she is an adult! Pretty soon she will be going off to Flagler. Im so happy for her. I cant wait to visit her in St. Augustine! I have a good day ahead of me and i am SO looking forward to it. I can not wait!!!!!!!

ok so i have given up on the lame xanga blog site. this one seems to be the better choice :) i am happy to say that we are extremely close to the end of all the stress! lol in less than six weeks i will be a Johnston. I am so excited! I will have a wonderful husband Two amazing sister in laws and a few brothers lol. I will also have four nieces! :D Im super excited that my sister in law will be having her baby in june! This will be the first baby born with me in the family! YAY!!! :) Im getting so excited! Nothing can tear me down at this moment!